Ciao!

Vive la resistance

How do you know when the war's over? When the French surrender. And, to give them credit, they lasted longer than I would've expected. But the Security Council finally lifted sanctions on Iraq. Which is what they'd been pushing for all along. Until we suggested it — then France had to oppose. It's a matter of principle, you understand.

• Bush: "We need sanctions on Iraq to pressure the regime to comply w/ disarmament."
  
• Chirac: "But sanctions only hurt innocent Iraqis. They die of malnutrition and worse. We should lift the sanctions."
  
• Bush: "OK. So let's try something else. How about we threaten to depose Hussein?"
  
• Chirac: "Non! We must give the sanctions more time."
  
• Bush: "But I thought sanctions hurt innocent Iraqis?"
  
• Chirac: "Perhaps they do, who knows. But we must abide by UN resolutions."
  
• Bush: "But last time you voted you gave Hussein one final chance to comply."
  
• Chirac: "You misunderstood me."
  
• Bush: "Why don't we threaten to use force to end the stalemate?"
  
• Chirac: "Non! We do not condone the use of military force to achieve political objectives."
  
• Bush: "But you just invaded the Central African Republic!"
  
• Chirac: "Yes, but that was to protect the legitimate government."
  
• Bush: "But all you did was capture the airport and evacuate Europeans. In the end, Bozize's coup succeeded."
  
• Chirac: "Let's get back to Iraq."
  
• Bush: "Well, we've decided to attack Iraq if we have to. And quickly, to minimize civilian casualties if we can."
  
• Chirac: "We will oppose you."
  
• Bush: "But you voted for the resolution!"
  
• Chirac: "You misunderstood our vote."
  
• Bush: "But I thought 'yes' means 'yes'?"
  
• Chirac: "Non! 'No' means 'no', but sometimes 'yes' means something else."
  
• Bush: "Well, we've made up our mind."
  
• Chirac: "But you haven't tried all diplomatic alternatives. Force should be the last resort."
  
• Bush: "Of course! But I thought we all decided that the last resolution was the last straw."
  
• Chirac: "Non!"
  
• Bush: "But you voted 'yes'!"
  
• Chirac: "You misunderstood."
  
• Bush: "Well, we're going to war."
  
• Chirac: "We oppose this war. Give the sanctions more time!"
  
• Bush: "But I thought you opposed the sanctions?"
  
• Chirac: "You misunderstood."
  
• Bush: "But with sanctions, only innocent children die. In war, mostly soldiers and dictators die."
  
• Chirac: "Sometimes existentialist poets die, too."
  
• Bush: "What?! Fine, but can we agree that we should find a way to end the sanctions?"
  
• Chirac: "Perhaps, let me think about that."
  
• Bush: "If we go to war, remove Hussein, then we can lift the sanctions."
  
• Chirac: "Non! A war against Hussein would be unilateral and unsanctioned."
  
• Bush: "But you voted for the resolution!"
  
• Chirac: "Non! You still misunderstand."
  
• Bush: "And you invaded Central African Republic unilaterally. You didn't even give anyone warning."
  
• Chirac: "That was different."
  
• Bush: "How?"
  
• Chirac: "Let's get back to Iraq."
  
• Bush: "OK. Now that the war's over. We should lift the sanctions."
  
• Chirac: "Non!"
  
• Bush: "Come again?"
  

Oh, and read this.

Posted by Miguel at 02:25 PM

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