I now pronounce you ...
06.16.2003The groom fainted and the best man broke down crying. I'm not making this up. My cousin Lisa's wedding was the oddest wedding I've ever been to. I'm sure she'll only remember it as a blissful event — perhaps punctuated by a few "memorable" moments — but it turned into quite a hoot.
First of all, I should state that this wedding drove home the point that weddings are not an appropriate time to give a sermon (especially not a long one). Weddings should be short, simple, sweet. The wedding couple don't need advice one way or the other, I don't want a long spiel on the joys of wedded bliss, and the audience just wants to congratulate the happy couple, eat some food, and dance the hokie pokie. Thank God I'm not a Lutheran.
It was at this point, during the sermon, that Scott (the groom) fainted. He just up and collapsed, silently crumpling up shortly after the "man and wife" climax. Groomsmen scampered over to him, as Lisa held his hand in shock. Scott's family was prepared for this contingency and produced pints of water (they also drank pints of water themselves). Meanwhile, the Coates-Coppens side of the church did its best to suppress the rising giggles.
At the reception, the groom's best man tried to give a toast (actually, a soliloquy) and broke down into tears. Three times. He had to stop, collect himself. Three times. Other groomsmen consoled him and urged him to continue. My relatives heckled him w/ "don't faint on us!" OK, just a small hint: A good way to avoid this is to actually make a toast. As in, under 50 words or less (emphasis on less).
The food was great, seeing family was great, the dancing was fine. The bride-groom dance was standard, which is fine. OK, so Scott doesn't really know how to dance. That's OK, most people don't. It was still romantic and happy because you could see that Lisa & Scott really love each other and that's all that counts.
The father-daughter dance, however, was spectacular. My family has more than its share of good dancers. But Uncle Mike. He's one of the best ballroom dancers I've ever seen. It's not that he does lots of fancy moves or showboating. It's just the way he and Aunt Carol glide across the floor w/ an effortless grace and perfect footwork you just don't see very often.
The other great part about weddings is watching Grandma dance The Hustle w/ her sisters. They huddle around in a small corner of the room and show each other their moves, these 70-some-year-old biddies suddenly transformed into teenyboppers. All laughter and bright eyes.
Yeah, it was a great wedding. Lisa and Jason were my favorite cousins growing up. OK, so they were actually my aunt and uncle (their mother is my mom's aunt, my grandma's much younger sister). But we used to run around Pratt Lake in golden summers. Now we're all grown up.
Posted by Miguel at 04:38 PM
Comments
you see, you don't understand. andres centallas is the latino version of your brother. andy coates is the white boy version. depending on how he does his hair, which glasses he wears, what shirt he has on, and how tight his pants are dictates whether he is andy or andres. but he can change his identity at any time simply by going to the bathroom and taking one of his patented "sink showers." superman has his phone booth, andres centellas has his sink shower. andres is like a superhero, but he is neither super, nor a hero, and he only has the power to repel women. so basically he is nothing like a super hero, more like a freak with alter-egos.
Posted by: Jessica Guffey at June 16, 2003 05:27 PM
LOL. Ouch. Yeah, we three Centellas boys have the uncanny ability to switch from "Latino" to "white boy" at the drop of a hat. And, yeah, the Andres character thinks he's more suave than he really is. But you have to admit he's a pretty good salsa dancer. Oh, and you think Andres is bad ... wait 'till you meet his brother Sam! LOL.
Posted by: miguel at June 16, 2003 08:56 PM
True true, I can't let anything fly past miguel. ;)
Wish I would've been at the wedding, sounded like a ton of fun. I'm sure Mom was rolling with laughter while dad tried his hardest to hold it in with a suspisous smirk!
I agree, you gotta love watching G&G dance
Posted by: Andres at June 18, 2003 11:00 AM
Sorry Miguel, this is where I have to disagree with you. One, Lutheran wedding aren't THAT long. And two, I don't know how much I can take the advice a Catholic priest would give me seriously. How would a man who can never know all the emotions and joys of marriage be able to tell a newly wedded couple what to expect? I attended the wedding of a cousin who had a Catholic ceremony performed and it was hard for me to accept all of what this man was saying. But I do think that weddings should be short, sweet, and small so that the new couple can enjoy their lives together.
Posted by: Kara at June 18, 2003 11:28 AM