Advice to non-winners

10.26.2004

Thomas Maguire posted a short list of advice to Republicans in case Kerry wins. I thought I'd post my advice to Democrats in case Bush gets re-elected. Here's both:

ADVICE TO REPUBLICANS (written by Thomas Maguire)

  1. Kerry didn't win, Hillary lost!  That's right.  Hillary's plans will be on hold until 2012 if Kerry is successful. True, Recovering Republicans don't expect Kerry to be successful, but really, what is our track record here — lots of people thought Clinton did fine, right?  Well, lots of other people thought he did fine, anyway. And you had better be rooting for Kerry to succeed — there is a war on, and failure is not an option.

  2. These times demand the Times, and you can go back to reading it. Admit it — the Times is a great paper, but it has been so anti-Bush that you can only look at it after you take two aspirin and duct tape your mouth. Under Kerry, those days will be but a grim memory. Now, you can smile each morning as the Times tries to undo two years of bias in two months by putting Kerry under the microscope. Enjoy!

  3. Did [you] lose the White House? It's only a flesh wound!  With a Republican Congress, Kerry can't do too much harm.  [Your] hopes are pinned on Frist and DeLay now.  Sorry, I was trying to be upbeat with that — let's go on.

  4. Relax while someone else tries to spin the latest outrage. Putting a Democrat in charge might actually make their party take a little bit of responsibility for the events of the day. This might be bracing for them, and amusing for the rest of us.

ADVICE TO DEMOCRATS (written by me)

  1. Kerry didn't lose, Hillary won! Yep. Hillary's now the clear frontrunner for 2008, to run against whatever GOP candidate emerges from a brutal primary season. And w/ four years to rebuild the Clinton machine, chances are good for a 2008 campaign that actually, you know, excites people to vote for here (rather than just anyone-but-the-incumbent).

  2. All your favorite news media will still be your favorite news media. If you get that oh-so-satisfying rage upon reading about the administration's latest trip-ups, the New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, CNN, and CBS will deliver like never before (you'll still throw things at the screen when FOX News is on). And you can keep travelling the country protesting in hip locales like New York City, San Francisco, and Washington for another four years — w/o the added guilt of protesting a Democratic president. Enjoy!

  3. So. The White House remains in GOP hands, as does the Senate & House. Um. OK. On that one, you're pretty screwed. But there's mid-term elections only two years away; try again then. Meanwhile, keep faith in the Supreme Court to continue striking down Ashcroft's policies.

  4. Everything, and I mean everything that happens is now clearly the Republican's fault. If North Korea nukes Japan, it won't be Kerry's fault. Think: clean slate for Hillary 2008.

    Posted by Miguel at 07:44 PM