Mom's Blog

Friday, September 09, 2005

Wanting to make things happen

Just a short post - mostly just to family.
Sometimes we hope and pray and give of ourselves all that we can. And many times the hoping, praying and giving end with rich blessings. But there are times that for some reason that just doesn't happen. Maybe we hope too much, maybe we don't pray enough, or maybe our giving just isn't the solution. We wanted to have things work out for Kelly and Valerie, but it seems that something still is missing. She is no longer living with us.


The next few weeks (or months) will be a time of waiting and trying things differently. After the visit to the post-polio clinic in Ann Arbor Aug. 11, I am still waiting for some clear results to help me make some health care/job decisions. More and more it looks and feels like I may not even make it through this school year and I need to make some hard decisions. The first I've made. I must return to wearing two leg braces - one long and one short- in order to stay on my feet. I am awaiting new braces - they are making temporary ones first and then I'll have to test them and wait some more to get the final edition. I sure hope they are lighter and less bulky than my old ones that I have returned to using. My left leg which was always the strongest is even weaker than my 'bad' leg according to the Dr. in Ann Arbor. Today I got the results of my MRI - herniated disc in my back, but am still awaiting the results of the ugly EMG - a test in which they electrically shock each nerve (in my left leg) one at a time until they get a satisfactory reaction and then the proceed to inject a needle into each muscle also until they get a reaction. To me it feels like being slowly electricuted. (Not kidding)
I may have to decide to purchase and use a wheel chair if the braces cannot offer the rest I need. That's a tough call, but with the way my legs feel most of the time and the muscle twitching during the night, I think I would gladly trade that in for the awkwardness of a chair.
So there are lots of things for me to sort out. How much longer can I work? How can I fit in the physical therapy I need? Finding the right medications to control the fatigue and pain without damaging my stomach or having other side affects. I hope to get some answers soon. I have an appointment in Ann Arbor on September 22. Meanwhile my general physician is looking for a doctor here in Saginaw since my polio doctor left and I don't really want to be going back and forth to Ann Arbor and waiting so long to get in the see the only polio doctor they have.
I've talked about retirement for a while now and now that it is looking very close there is a sense of, 'Not Yet!' mixed with 'the sooner, the better!'